lift me up high

hell bz

2005-06-14T01:50:00.000+08:00

been so tired lately. both body n mind. dont even have the mood to up date my blog.
in case u all have been wandering how ive been, ive been ok. just ok. mostly downs.
firstly, ive just been held up with so many practices. too many events. too many practices. enjoyed it initially bt its driving me nuts now. no time to concentrate on my stuffs, no time to relax n enjoy my days. each and everyday i had to go to n fro frm teck whye to kallang. gettin sick n tired of it.
as for other matters..
my final year project.
im hell worried bt tat. im still lost. im really afraid. i dun quite noe wats happening. im really really terrified. really hope i'll make it thru but it just seems impossible now. hopefully i'll get a clearer picture of the project real soon. its driving me crazy. hell crazy. help me somebody.please.
my family. we're doin fine..its just tat im spending too little time with them. missin my mum n my silly kid bro especially. love them to bits.
as for my personal life. things r ok..ups n dwn still. for awhile im happy...then later i'll be dwn again.im frustrated now...but think i'll be ok soon...coz some matters just pisses me off... and im tryin hard to control myself. hell hell.
frens. as for now. it seems like i have none around me. most of them r bz. doin their own stuffs maybe. or maybe im the one who's too bz.
hudha. i dun really noe how she is now. but i can tell that she's happy with her swthrt so far. happy for her. its just that i miss her sometimes, too much it can make me cry.
guess i can only depend on myself nowadays. have to keep in mind that im on my own..handlin my own pathetic life. hopefully days will be brighter for me.
hopefully urs will be too. take care ppl.

better better

2005-05-27T00:36:00.000+08:00

yuuhuuuuuuu~~~
first thing firstt. i got a new cat!!
haha...actually its a kitten...black in cororrr..so cute..haha..still not lettin it out loose ard the house..afraid i might step on it without realisin.haha too tiny to be true. and my lil brother gave it a silly name....chombi. haha...silly kid...
hmmmm...
and anyway..sorry for being quiet all these while.no updates at all. had some of the toughest times in life.
but now things are definately better...just that im still stuck for my fyp n i will be so bloody busy soon...busy performin n shits... adoi adoi.
thanks to all of you for visiting my blog...even though u knoe i seldom put up updates...hehe..tank u so much...muahs muahs...
hehe...just hope days will be better for me still....
there's one thing i keep thinkin abt now....which is gonna happen in abt a few months....cant help bt keep thinkin bt it..............
haiz....i gtg now...will meet my supervisor tmrw....sheesh.
i havent even started and shit on my fyp.
gonna nd to do sumthin really fast.haha
im out for now..
oh and anyway yibiey, uhibuukaaakii~~
hee.....
out!

help me

2005-05-10T00:45:00.000+08:00

my life is in a mess now.
feelin so lost. feelin so dumb.
wish i can just dissappear right this moment.
to stop bringing tears to people. especially beautiful people.
im so sick of myself. sick of my life. sick of my everyting.
maybe being alone is the best of them all.
maybe i shud.
maybe i shud just be by myself. maybe tat'll make things better.
maybe tat'll make u fine....
all i want to see now is for u to be as usual..for you to be as smiley as before..
i just want you to stop tearing..please
just tell me....
id do anything to stop hurtin u.

disappointed

2005-05-03T00:05:00.000+08:00

i am just disappointed in myself.
i just dunnoe who i am now.
why am i being this way.
why am i being bad.
being hurt is a usual thing for me.
but for me to hurt someone hurts me even more.
thought i could make it thru.
thought i was strong
but its seems like everytime i fight i fall again
and again.
i still fail to bring smiles to his face
when on the other hand, he's the reason to all my smiles now.
im just ashamed of myself.
though i know its wrong, im still so weak.
yes i love him yes,but he doesnt seem to feel it though.
he doesnt seem to see that id be lost if he'd be gone
he doesnt seem to see that he's everyting to me now.
guess i hurt him too deep, too deep till i just cant find ways to heal the wound
sorries dun work no more now
becoz sorries just changes nothing.
i just need to find my own self now.
i need to keep my faith up
i really need to be strong.
i wanna be with him, i really do.
please help me God,please help me make it thru.

uhibukka.

farkin day

2005-04-25T17:08:00.000+08:00

hate today. lame and irritating.
i mean so far, today is so pathetic. shit happened and i cudnt help but burst.
i know i was in the wrong somehow, i mean i shudnt have read it in the first place. but now tat i have, it made me hate.
im stil stuck in school now. cant go till 5 42. bored and alone.
kerry left already....haiz...and here i am,sitting so dumbly alone.
...sometimes i feel tat im just so bloody stoopid, to be still thinking bt him...
please get out of my farkin head. please please please.
im wasting my energy,wasting my time, wasting my tears.
im just trying to look on the brighter side now, at least now i have a reason to hate and forget bt him easily. and of course, on the brighter side, i have my babiey smiley angel.
just hope to cry no more. this is the last straw. ive had enuf.
gtg now, having tuition later. hope my baby hannah will make me smile.

"setiap kegagalan mematangkan,
setiap kesedihan menyedarkan,
setiap kebaekan ade ganjaran,
setiap kejahatan ade balasan,
ape yang datang satu pengalaman,
bersyukur, bersabar, itu yang paling penting"

wuhuu!

2005-04-20T16:47:00.000+08:00

doing nothin much now.in school alone. farkin bored.
really dun get y we need to stay frm 9 to 5 in school when we are actually workin on our own. damndamn.
but nvm.at least i got to edit my blog. yeah.wuuhu. anyway hope u blog hoppers like my current skin coz i looikke it alot. hah
hmm.feel like knockin my head against this snack vending machine. feel so stressed up. i dunnoe how the hell am i suppose to complete my fyp. and one good thing is tat i have to read up abt ASP.net and learn it. on my own. thanx to my supervisor for askin me to apply ASP when he dun even noe any shit abt it.
anyway i borrowed a hell thick book on ASP. well did nothin much to it yet. kept staring at the pages and yet nothin goes in.
now just waitin for 5.33pm to come. cant wait to get my butt off this hard bench. haha.
hmm. thinkin of boo now. wonderin how she's doin. its been hell long since we last met.
missin her so much...cant help but cry sometimes. she seems so bz now..with school n all.but im happy for her that she's doin well so far..and of course happy tat she's got azhar now.
but no matter how physically distant we are now...she's still very close to my heart. she's my gal...and she'll always be. i'm still very much near gal, so just call wen u need me..
lov n miss u.
be huggin ure tummy soon

-missin ur smile

smile is all i do now

2005-04-18T23:51:00.000+08:00

heyho ppl. just got back. feelin a lil wonderful.
keke.
in this entry...i wish to make it official......than i am trulyy really INN LOVEE~~~~
wuuuu~~ tenk kiukkkk~~~
kakaka. been all smiley the past days n weeks... thanx to u my mr.grebo....
keke.
yesterday the yesterday went to watch CREEP with him. was quite seram la. i mean the boogey man was so ugly...with his eyes so sunken and skin so kedot kedot. but kecek dara la he...whenever i like terpranjat then he also terikot terpranjat..."betol tak gune lah ko chita" hehee...but i stil laf u many2....
was so hepi tat day...for the first time...i feel like im floating...kakaa....
for ppl who r readin this, pls dont complain, puke nor frown because u shud be smiling coz life can just be so beautiful wen ure sharing it with sumone as beautiful........and im feelin good nowdays :)
heh.back to yesterday. well....did nothin...but met him again...kaka....
mornin went to watch him n other kakaks n abangs perform at kak lydia's wedding ceremony...very releks...n nice...but then after tat i went straight home coz my momma was a lil cranky. but stilll....ended up i still met him coz my mom n my dad went out with my auntie. keke....had fun still...went to jurong point....paksa him to eatt...hai..susa betolll la nak tengok ko makann....keke...as usual had so much laughters and cocoking of armpret....just feel like gigeting his idong and kunyah sometime.."GRR NYE AKO~~~"
hehe...and finally todayy....just got back....met him for a while just now....he didnt werk just now....was forced by his mom to go to clinic coz his cough is gettin worst..trime kaseh makcikk~~ wuuuu tenk kiukk~~ finally he go see dokto. keke..well didnt go anywhere interesting...just went to united square...but was not bad...till had a splendid time.....hmm...

sorry for ppl who read this entry..i mean cannot help it but talk abt him....he deserves to be mentioned...
coz he's been takin very good care of me...
makin sure tat im all smiley......
makin sure tat my eyes get watery no more.......
makin sure tat i stay strong each passing day....
thanx to you precious......
it doesnt matter to me whether we'r a couple or not......or whether will we be one later.....
but as long as ure around me, i'll cherish u till end.

its been a long time

2005-04-13T14:26:00.000+08:00

wuhuu...long time no see.long time no update.
haha...bukannye ape..aku nie malas sket.
ok...so far ive been good...been a 'good' gal...hah...smiley n all...
went to kl the other day....fun fun fun...here r sum of the pix.
enjoy.

-hell did we enjoyed ourself. but of course excluding the time when we went to club and got our butts groped.those farkin animals. hack tat.
(other than that...thx to 'him' for toppin up 20 dollars each day to my ppaid card....just to listen to my voice from kl and make sure tat im doin fine there...heee....haiz...only God knows how much i cherish u...uhiibukaakiii~~~*Chuut~cocok armprett* hee)

sondol jee

2005-03-29T19:08:00.000+08:00

kaka...just got back now. had my ISDT paper...
as usual..i wrote a lil nonsense here n there...i was suppose to draw a BCE Diagram but i ended up drawin only some silly rectangles n dotted lines. kaka.well done shasha
at ard 3 i took a break from the paper and decided to shit. hah..at least i got to call him for a while to reduce my kancheongness...haha..good ness.
and now im just so werried bt tmrw's ppr. i havent even studied a single little shit. just browsed thru yesterday. so many things to go thru. so scary.
and wat the hell am i doin here still bloggin craps? go and sthudy you silly.
bye.
ps: anyway nisha,yesh im so in love~~ hahai

- uhiinnukaaki~ (oit ako bukan kedi k!?~ keke)

farkin stress

2005-03-28T15:22:00.000+08:00

exam starts tmrw and i havent even studied a single shit.
too bz the past days. things have been so chaotic. my dance n all shit.
i need to study fast.like now. so farkin tired actually. but nvm, i'll keep myself up.
gooooo shaaaashaaaaaaa~~~

-make me knees go weak
everytime ure smile brings one to my face

beautiful time

2005-03-24T12:52:00.000+08:00

alone @ home now. doin nothin else other than sittin on my small cushioned stool with my legs folded up, typin nonsenses.
well nothin much happened.
yesterday the yesterday slept over @ cindy's. me,magmag and cindy of course.actually we ended up not studyin much coz we were all not in any mood to studd. ended up shakin our silly booties. kakaka..sialsssss...love u twooo..many many much alot strongly.
hmm...early yesterday went to school for some dance practice..had some giggles and loud laughs...thanx too kikyn for layaning my craps. kakaka had fun..
after tat..hee...met him...was so heppi to see him... we happened to wear the same color top again...umpteen times...kaka..sweet coincidence..
well..went walk walk..went to eat dinner...just love his company... :) keep laughing and laughin when he's around...he just brings smile to my face... love him for tat.. heh
other than tat....there's still a lil part of me which is really down....i mean i still have other things in mind...some things r really botherin me..ppl around are pressurizing me..im just so tired of all bad things...
just hope i'll stay strong and keep focus in making the correct decisions in handling life.......
im just too fragile sometimes.

-maybe were never meant to be one
tryin hard to get over u

cramps on me legs

2005-03-21T23:08:00.000+08:00

my legs r killingg me~ having serious muscle cramps..been walkin like an ape the pass few days...darn. must be the tough dance practices.
its been a long time since i last updated. its been a long time since i even visit my own blog space. kaka. silly me.
been tired lately. too much things too do. school is stressin me out. my damn FYP. still dunnoe wat to do. not quite yet. thanx to my silly supervisor.
but one good thing is tat im doin ok..as in my grades n all. so far ive been gettin constant c's.kaka
well..tats good enuf for me though.hah
today not quite a good day. momma's a lil cranky. just now got shouted at for no reasons. shitttttt~ was so farkin mad. luckily i cud control me anger.
lets go to the better things in life. shoppinG~~~~
last weekend went shoppin with ma sis. both two pairs of shoes, two tops, two pairs of earrings, a satin headband and a wrist watch. yu huu i like...but she somehow still owe me a swatch. keke i like...she's so generous sometimes. dunnoe how we''l do without her. thanx to her..really.. :) lov u.
other than tat..ive been happily close with the someone...
he's been so sweet..been there for me...almost all the time.. just hope tat no one and nothing will take him away again. i dunnoe...i feel so comfortable around him...the way he makes me laugh...the way he makes me feel on top of the world... he's just so silly and his jokes are so out of this world... heh...sweetness..
stop smiling sha..concentrate..
keke..hmm nothin much to say more..haiz..
well..still thinkin of 'him'....yesterday sent him a long sms...called me back and said thanks for the sweet msg... hung up and i suddenly teared a lil. cant help it but i kinda miss him sometimes........
im still keeping strong now... i keep thinking to myself nowadays...
y shud i keep tearing for someone who doesnt even care much..when there's someone else out there who showers me with so much love and joy.........

restlessly

2005-03-07T16:24:00.000+08:00

doin nothin now...intended to sleep...but then wan called me abt his assignments...a lil werried for him. hmm. goin for tuition soon anyway...so no point sleepin...
anyway...just nowi had some SA quiz.. i was writin alot..but i was like WAT THE HELL am i writin??! kaka..dun care la....a D is enuf la ah sha...
so lets c...yesterday...went out with yani n ayeennn.... we tot of findin a gift for someone..but they ended up buyin their own stuffs..kaka...ok la....fun..i laik n i love them alot..kekek kekek only with yani n ayeen...talk crap of coz. we took neoprint..kakaka....so kental but i laik...long taim never posing... and i tried on some short pleated skirts...not bad la quite nice...but at some angle my lower part of my leg needs more fat...keke...
then talked to fuz for awhile...dropped by at his werkin place....alley bar....we had drinks..chatted for a while....then went off...not much la...hmm...but nice werk place aniwei...nice place to chill..and he asked me out next week...haiz...dunnoe la ah sha..
anyway accidentally met wan at town yesterday..he was with amdan yed n all..dunnoe y..felt quite weird at first...felt like i miss him..and his missin me...
but nvm la ah...things are better for him like this i hope.....ill support watever he does still...
things are somehow better for me now too...between me n wan...i got to talk things out with him...at least i really noe wats happening... so we're somehow in gd terms now...no more hate him..haha
but ysterday had some quarrel thingy with someone....im so sorry...i feel so silly also.....never wanted things to be bad between me n him... im sorry sweets...
haiz....aite...im done for now...feelin a lil lazy....i'll update soon maybe....
chao bot~~~~ (chikok.)

-i wanna grow old with u

laugh it out

2005-03-02T16:05:00.000+08:00

loudddd...

HIIEEE!!! This is MAGMAG! Blog Invader Martian! :D
I love Sha Sha so much she is always pretty and curly. And I know she loves me tuuuu. :) Please take care of yourself sial. I is lub u many many much. Muacks! ^^
- Mag*

hie... hi.. This is cindy! your curly babe.. hmm sure y nt!!
I love ur giggle.. DOnt give up in ur studies..
Take care of ur self.. love u many much!!!

-Cindy..

sial. snatched my latop and typed intoo my blog. some intruders. kaka..but i love them still. alot actually.
just done with cryin.damn am i farked up. my inhouse thingy. shit shit shit.
went to meet my supervisor just now...mr patrice..he's ok..nice to talk to...haiz...told me that i have to do some project on my own for FOUR SOLID months. 'I LAIK~~~~'
then furthermore he asked me to think of ard 3 ideas on wat kind of project i wish to do. i asked him does it have to be a website...then he said hopefully not. ok fine..then i asked..'so can u give me examples..?' then u know wat...he came back with this bag...and he showed me hardwares. complicated.something like a little card scanner n wire shits. i was like ok..tank kiu so much sir...hmm so..can i choose to just fail and go now? arghhhh~~~~
but then..i called magmag just now..told her i was afraid of this inhouse thingy..haiz...then she told me tat she believed i can do it....and that i can make it thru this..
haiz...felt better somehow after that...she made me realise that this in house thing is not bad after all...love her so much..really....thanx magmag...need u... :)
hah...ok..other than tat..nothin much happened today...just felt a bit bored...coz i did nothin much in school today...
so go back to yesterrrday....yesterday.....
someone had an operation...erm..u noe the person who has been makin me smile n laugh all this while? ya..he's the one...
he had a leg operation...had to remove some screww from his previous operation....haiz...kesian him la...but u wanna noe something bad i did...?keke...
ok..his operation was ard 9...so he had to be ther ard 8 plus i think..ok..so i had to be in school ard 9 too...so as usual..he called me to wake me up for school... i didnt sleep like the whole day before..so i was so farkin tired..then at ard 8 plus...he called me again...i think before we went in the operation room. then he was like..' hey..wake up..its already 8 plus...u have classes rite....'
kaka..then i was like so sleepy and was in my crappy mood..so all i saiid was 'ok...mmm..i wake up...take care...bye.'
like wat the hell rite??!kaka....he was already goin in for an operation and i was like stupidly sleepy and dun even realised that he called. felt so guilty man...silly me...hmm...but luckily he wasnt too affected by it...rite sweets?? kaka hope so...hehe
but still later that nite after tuition..i went to visit him with my other dance mates....kkee..he seemed ok...still crappy..only this time he cannot shake ard too much without the crutches. hehe... glad he's ok..only a bit pain lah..hope he'll do fine soon....later we exercise together ahhh~~~~mmmm~~~
kaka. hmm..other than that...nothin much is happening to me...
as for wan..i dunnoe...just now called to talk to him abt my school thing.tot he cud make me feel better bt it. but no. he didnt. he was bz....but he called me back.but forgot to ask me bt it. and just now he was online..and stil he forgot bt it. then u noe wat? i gave up. like no need to talk abt it already. dun even farking bother la.
im just fine with how things are now. i smile so much now. im even laughing alot now....even magmag and cindy is so tired of hearing me giggling...hah..hmm
....bt stil some stuff are farkin botherin me somhow..wish they can leave me alone peacfully..

-promise i'll hold and guide u thru ure days

independence day

2005-02-28T00:14:00.000+08:00

not feelin good now.
yesterday was a shitty day. i hate yesterday.
26th March.
abang returned from laos yesterday. initially i felt so anxious to pick him up at the airport. felt like i missed him. was suppose to perform yesterday but i rejected the show, just to blardy pick him up.
things ended up like shit. the nite before..met my primary sch frens. one of them told me that on some day he saw abang with some one. wat the fark rite. of course i didnt picked him up. why the hell shud i also. maybe he really wants me to hate him. hah..i wonder how dumb ppl can be sometimes. keeping and hiding things without any reasons. wasted my tears again and again. watever.
so instead of goin to the airport...went to jurong point after my tuition session...watched abg ain n all perform.. yed n omar n hai was there too...
did nothing much there..then at ard 10..we all went to lau pa sat..........
at lau pa sat abang called me n asked y didnt i picked him up..said he was sad tat i didnt came. felt a lil guilty cos he really sounded really sad...but tats just too bad la..cant be too nice sometimes.
then after eating some fried noodles...the three of us decided to sit at raffles.... we were walkin and walkin...and drasticly,
all the shits started.
at first shit involed mainly 3 ppl. somesort like a love triangle. the guy came all the way from bukit panjang to raffles after hearing the news. he looked so mad.
i was scared of course...coz i often joke around with him..he's usually playful and fun...he's like my own brother afterall. he was so mad..even intended to use violence....
i was so quiet at that point of time...one thing was that i was scared..and the other is that i have my own problems to think of. we sat there for quite some time..everyone there cried yesterday...coz things are just bad nowdays. practically for everyone.
but even before this problem was solved,another shit came by. but this one's worst.
i dont really know wat to say abt tis one...but it is indirectly affecting me alot...the person who's involved is someone who is so part of me.
just cant bear to see him cry so much...he's suffering too much already.
he looked so depressed yesterday. his eyes...ive never seen them like tat before. its so painful to see him like tat...he seems like he's falling apart.
bt really. that gal should be really ashamed of herself. her pathetic attitude is making me hate her even when i dun even noe who she is.
but watever it is...i really hope that he'll keep his faith strong...to not give up...and to hold on...
hope my prayers will be answered soon and things will be better for him.
now i have to try all i can to be by him when he's down...its my turn now to make him smile when he's all down..
he's such a beautiful person and he dun deserve dis kind of life...
God please send him an angel...please.

-hate it everytime i turn coz ppl do things behind me

shitty day

2005-02-25T01:20:00.000+08:00

hell today was a tirin day.
erm..early in the day..i went foe some ECAD class..was so blardy late~~ bt mag mag n cindy signed my attendance for me.keke...thx babys :)
nothin much..chompang helped me do one additional feature for my part...the remove part...some copying of codess..haha..oh no..its referingg..not copying...rite chompang??sial..sometimes i love u so much sial...keke....thanx againn..maybe i shud blanja u some twentyfive-cents-canteen3-coffee..heh
so..class ended like ard 12 plus...then i had no where to go..went to atrium..
met mat no for a while @ block one...he sent some pizzas to ngee ann again..haha..silly him..next time i shud force him to bring xtra pizza for me..keke. haiz..miss ma primary pals so much..
ok then back to me...after that..i went straight home...ate some maggi tomyam...and ard 2 plus I left home for my first tuition session.
was so xcited plus nervous before i went.. haha..but u know wat. i took the wrong bus.
the ppl frm the agency told me that bus 180 can bring me to Gillman Heights. then i was like ok...thats gd...some straight bus from home. end up u noe wat? i ended up at the bukit panjang bus station. wat the hell...hah
adding up to the pathetic situation was the scorchin sun and burnin whther. so then i tot i shud take some 190 to town and maybe transfer to another bus to bring me there. them I called aunti sumi..and u noe wat?she said she's not to sure bt tat..and askd me to take some train to queenstown and take 195. so i went...the block was like soo at the end...and i had to walk more....grrrr....bt watever it is...i managed to reach there ard 1606 hr. not bad huh...some earliness...gd job sha...
so i met my student hannah. she's like the cutest thing on earth. she's european..brown eyes..shy. kaka..haf to teach her to speak in bahasa melayuuuu.. and i have to talk to her in bahasa..haha so gaowekk. everytime i speak to her in malay...she went like..' erm im sorry...can u like speak in english..please dun tell mummy..'kekee.. very nice ppl...her mom;s nice to me too...hope i can help improve her bahasa and maths..gd luck to mee..... :)
after thattt..went to PA...did nothin much..just practised 'Persembahan'..nothin xcitin..relaxed... but i managed to meet ikah...some long lost dance pal..miss her so much actually..kaka...miss bullyin her though she's bigger than me..
keke...mmm..
then i went home... initially i had to go the cindy's. had to do some ECAD. need to do screenshots and shit.
the moment i reached home..my mom started nagging...sheesh.
i just feel like banging my head sometimes. dun even noe y wud she even want to keep naggin when she noes im already so stressed up. i mean why im so mad is becoz she keeps naggin at me when she dun even really noe wats the assignment like...so farkin pissed. wat the hell rite..
so i ended up not going to cindy's...haiz..really sick of ECAD..just hope i'll not fail... tired of assignments already...hope i'll be fine and ok...
but watever it is...stil i am laughin and smiling more the past days...some one has been makin me smile so much..thanx to u swthrt..not forgettin of course...magmag..cindy....oodha....ain....yani...syu...hid.... love u ppl so so much.....really need u all till end coz lovelie ppl like u make my life so beautiful.. thanx angels.

recent snapshot-CamVoguez

some chingay

2005-02-21T11:21:00.000+08:00

uuuweee~~~
keke ok...its been a long time again....
ok letss gosstannn!!
ok thursday. went to rouge with hid and yani and ayeennn. wuuhuu hell did i enjoyed myself.
i laik. as usual the place is not so crowded. the dancefloor is like so spacious.i can even do a cartwheel there, maybe even some egg-rolling. akaka (ayeeen ko nak joget baring kapa???) kaka
first i was shakin ard with hid yani n ayeen.. keke...then they danced at the podium and pulled me along. kaka..so scary. i stayed up there for only like one song then i felt gaowek..(uncomfortalbe in hokkien) kakaa~~ then i went off the podium la.. hmm.. so then i continued dancing with yani at the dance floor while the other gals are stl shaking there stuffs up there. kaka..then came this guy with his red n white sweater.
hah..boyy he danced good. me n yani were doin the One two step thing when he joined us.keke cuteness. then wat else rite..he tapped my shoulder and without quite realising..im already dancin with him. kaka...we danced and moved so much..we were so close. sheesh
damn u shasha.. u super bitch.
haa~ but whatever it is..i was there to enjoy. so i did. im sorry if tat did affect anyone. i felt guilty anyway. haiz but nvm...i still love u many many! haha watever la sha...
keke..
then came friday..yuhu
keke...had ma chingay preview~.....was not bad...the only thing is tat i was so giddy..maybe its because of that silly looking head gear....looks like some flower pot on my head...then its weight was pressin on my forehead...!!brahh~~ nabeee turrtlee
kaka. the preview was quite smooth... nothing bad happenned...the flowerry head gear didnt fall off me giddy head...i didnt step and tripped on my own silly long sleeve costume...and my skirt didnt fall off, making me dance around with only my lacey mini still safely attached. kakakaa~~
haiz...theeennn...went i wanted to went home..the last train already went off. so i somehow begged this 'brother' to send me to raffles mrt so i can take my NR from there. keke...but u noe wat??some one then came dwn to meet me at raffless and ended up sending me home by cab....~~~ mm...i laik...keke..so sweet la u. hahai..
ok ok stop ure mushy mushynesss la sha..meluat la dei! kakaa
anyway i forgot to mention that earlier tat day i had a lil quqrrel with me dear momma. i made her cry... :( sorry ibu...did nt mean to hurt u.. but before i left home..i managed to apologise and cried and hugged her... felt so much better then... just love her so much..
hmm..ok then saturday..chingay timeee~~ keke....was gooodd...only thing that spoilt it was the float's flat tyre. kakaa shhtoopid
hmm i laik the performance..but tiring lah..4 stations to dancin..nabe turtle. keke...but i managed to walk around and take some pictures with the other performing groups and of course my own dance mates..(nak amek gamba ah dengann shaw housee~~~) huhuhu...pinggan leper ah lu...
keke...sorry. :)
ok then sunday..nothing much la..just went out with abg ain n all....after tat met ibu kakak n aide for some shopping and ate ayam penyek...kekke.. bought some topss....i laikk~
one thing exciting is tat wan msged me... he was at some village the past days tat ws y he didnt reply me...miss him so much somehow.. :) just glad tat his fine... will c him soon...
ok and today as in now..nothing xciting today..just tat today my hair seems curlier!! keke..i laikk i laik... hehe...
later going to meet aniiikk and ayeen...maybe accompany her go shop...im gonna pick up my repaired phone too..hopefully... and later at ard 6..goin to the chingay party at suntec....hope it'l be fun..
and now...im gonna haf to log off....feel like the urge to go to the loo..kaka... think i typed too much also..bet ure eyes are all over the place now. kaka...
aite chaooo~~~

valentine's day

2005-02-14T21:39:00.000+08:00

Firstly,hepi valentine's day to ppl who are so in love,crazy in love and dangerously in love.
dun u even think of askin me how was my valentine's day. kaka
well..today..i came to school, sat for awhile to do some e-learning thing and went home. so pathetic of me. kaka.. ya la shasha...wake up late again rite...sorry to u who woke me up ah...so sorry i degil..love yiu many much..kekee never do it again. i try la.haha
ok..but to look on the bright side...magmag gave a some valentine;s gift...keke...some hersheys and a cute panty with stripes. kaka..she;s just so sweet sometimes...love you magmagg...*hugss*
and after tat i met my huudhhaa for awhile....she gave me some cute flower! hehe i laik..thanx to u masamm......sorry didnt get u anything..hehee...cayang ko banyak....
after tat i went home...so bored nothin better to do. thought of meetin someone....but...arghhhh!!! dunnoe la.... kaka..nvmla...it takes time ah shasha..releks...be understanding..come on.. ehee...
:( im sorry...
haiz..so well..as expected i stayed at home...ibu and ayah went to the airport to fetch my sis..sooo u noe wat...i played some loud music and dance till i sweat..wuhuuuu i laik.. think im gonna need to join some contemp hiphop dance..kaka...
then wat else ritee..?after tat i slept till are 8. kaka.silly me
da la...nothin else to do...im somehow like waiting for wan's call anyway..hope he's fine there...just now he msged and told me its supeerr hot there...keke..hope he wudnt melt...pity him...hmmm...i too werried for him la sometimes...keke silly silly..
aite aite..i go now ah....need to do some jumping jacks to keep my perot small..keke
outz

chidcare

2005-02-13T22:31:00.000+08:00

Ok just got back from town.
Just now ard 3 I was involved in some lion dance event @ marine parade cc. Everything went so fast. Me n hani were like late coz went we reached the hall, suddenly we had to dance. Without even rehearsing once. Good job shasha for being late again. Haha bravo~~
Ok ok that’s done. Lets rewind and gostan.
Yesterday the yesterday I went to johor bahru. Tot of not taggin along but my dear niece from Perak will be there. Its been such a long time since I last met her. Like wat, 3 years?Bet she’s bigger than me now. Hah
And ya I was rite. She is so big now. A biigg baby. Kaka. Name’s aleem. She reminds me so much of pebble from flinstones. Keke. Her body very the teddy bear like. But still she very manja lah…like to stick with me..keke..sayangg many many.
Had fun that day..went to eat dinner at ‘My Friend TomYam’. (wat kind of shop name is that ritee??blahh!)
Kaka okey anyway we had fun… its just tat I was too overwhelmed with the number of lil kids who came along. One of my looonngg lost cuzin tagged along with her 4 kids. Gosh. Suddenly I felt like I was at some childcare centre. Let me count the kids slowly ah..
Aleem, abg nga, aiman, ricky, arisha, iisha, nisha, ayishh, apitin, natasha, eric, adamdom and lastly my baby brother, aide. THIRTEEN kids!???
Sheeesh. Hmm well..Dun get me wrong. I love children..very much indeed. But u knoe, the sight of them running around jumpin and shoutin and shreking drives me a lil crazy. Kakaka. Silly me. But I still love them lah. Suddenly I am an auntie with soo many nieces. Keke I laik.
Ok next day which is yesterday. Went to PA for chingay prac. Normal..nothin much. just tat our choreographer made us do improvising of movements. Shit. I really hate it when I comes to this. Surely I looked stoopid. Kaka. Whatever. Hmm..thenn after the practis…we went to sit at iman for awhile..normal routine..sit and talk and joke…
After havin enuf of that..we went to town.go buy movie tickets. Feng shui.
Not bad lah…some philipino movie. Sat beside him. Keke I laik. Opps. Gatal ah shasha. Chet!
Ok shh. Had so much fun yesterday..was happy…smilin most of the time..Only God knows what I am going thru now. :)
Well,then after that we had nuthin else to do…so we went to arab street…al majlis. Some of the guys go and sucked the shishaa…and I ate some rice. Not bad the food…quite good..
Conclusion of the day..i was happy. :) (u’ll know y)
Kaka.
But one sad thing. wan left for laos just now morning @ 8. Well I dun noe… im quite sad lah cos I didn’t picked up his call before he went for the flight. I slept lah alamak..shit you shasha. Hmm..Nvm la…hope he’s fine there..he haven’t called yet anyway..nvm..just hope he’s good and is is safe hands.
..haiz..i do miss him sometimes u knoe but I must be strong la…its sad that things haf to turn out this way.. no more tears to cry now..all dried up.
Nvm whatever it is..he’s still part of me somehow..love for him still isn’t gone completely..
maybe we were never meant for each other..we shudnt even have met.

~ i dun want nothing at all
if it ain’t u

to the person who have been making me smile so much,
thanx to you.
so much. though ure going thru alot now, please stay strong and dun let the faith go. she needs you dear. so dont go.
but u noe..
sometimes its really funny how feelings are.
especially when its wrong to do so and Im still letting it grow.

-not gonna leave for the second time

siemens spoilt

2005-02-09T22:30:00.000+08:00

Sorry ive been quiet here. No updates. Haha..apologies ya sweeties.
Ok..so lets start with yesterday.
mornin my siemens phone went wild. Kept pressin the on button but it kept going off again. Great.Wat a gd way to start my day rite.
hmm. as expected I kancheong-ed spider...so I called up the siemens care centre and one of their stooooooopid staff told me tat their branch at bugis parco will only be closed ard 5. ok so I went.
Then I went and reached there are 4. and you know wat? Its already closed.
Thanx mr-siemens-care-centre-anyhow-say one-staff. I laik u.
Ok so after I forget abt it. I was soo hungry and wanted to eat at the kedai kopi behing parco. Skali closed. Hahaaa~~~ tis is the best part….and u noe wat…wan ended up treating me lunch @ swensens!Kekeke I laikkk. Thx to the closed kopi shop. Kaka. Had a great time with him anyway.
I really feel like I miss him sometimes. But at the same time I dun even want him to hold me. Not even for a short while. I have to be strong now… yes tats the way gal! haha.
Ok heck tat....then after tat we went to town…went to catch a 7 plus movie..Hotel Rwonda. I tell you, the show is really. Really moving.
Riots. People among the same race killing and torturing each other. Innocent children. Refugees. Tears. Families falling apart. Racism.
I cried of course..even wan cried. Really nice. U ppl should catch it ya. ;) an inspirational one.
hmm
Ok.then after tat..we met his frens…at lido...and then after tat..Witout askin me first, his frens bought me a movie ticket to watch Constantine with them. Hah. Some movie marathon.. But luckily this one was nice too…more of effects…devils and powers n all…cool. didnt regret watcin it.
by then it was like already 12 plus..so wat else rite..went home la…
reached home ard 1am.keke...hmm ya...not bad..had a nice day yesterday..;)
And now...todayyy!! Gong xi pacai!! Kaka..to all chinesee~~Hepiiii celebrating..
magmag and cindy, ang pau share ah. keke
wokei..just now woke up at 8 am. Hehe.yuhuu went to pasir ris for picnic with me family..auntiesss and cuzinss and all. Miss them so much..especially my dearest baby cuzin..adam dom..keke
had so much fun..played games..laughed a lot..ate lots of food..talked a lot on the phone. Kaka opps.weather was beautiful.windy breezy but yet sunny. Felt so calm lookin at my precious little cuzins havin fun,running ard. Cannot tahan lah see adam..very mentel..keep geleking and geleking(shaking and shaking) with his pampers like that..keke alamaak~ geramm je
heh..whatever it is..I had so much fun today..felt calm..all my sorrows were off my mind for a while.thanx to my family ppl. Love u all soo many…Muacks.
As for now..I gtg..may I’ll be fine soon..may happiness comes day by day..

' breathe u into my heart & pray for this strength to stand '

sick

2005-02-06T15:45:00.000+08:00

Had food-poisoning yesterday. Damn. I dunnoe what the hell I ate till it made me shit and vomitted so many times. Maybe its the maggie goreng I ate at the mama shop. I was lucky enuf to not pass out in the mrt. My body was already shivering n cold. Stoopid ppl on the train. Didn’t even bother to let me sit. Haha. Im so full of sickness nowdays.Sthoopid sthoopid.
Anyway..yesterday I went to watch RockOpera @ the esplanade. went with dearest yed and dearest hai.Yuhuu man…im not some super rock fan, but u noe wat? Without realizing I knew most of the songs they sang yesterday. Kaka. Some jiwa rock. I laik.
Very impressive show, at first I thought it wud be a disappointment but actually it’s a good one. Very good one indeed. Two thumbs up! rock never mati ah. Haha
Wan played very well yesterday. Im so proud of him sometimes. But no matter what, even when we’re apart now I still support him till end. I can see him becoming a very impressive and professional percussionist. May ure dreams come thru baby.
I dunnoe what the heck is happening to my "love" life.
Im not sure whether we’re apart already. I mean to me it’s a yes la. I feel tat I had enuf. I feel that ive tried all I can. I feel that ive given all ive got. Im just so tired.
But on the other hand, I just cannot believe tat is all over. I cannot believe that ive really given up. I dunnoe. Of course I still love him. So much. Many much.
But sometimes I haf to be firm with my decision too. I cannot keep thinking that things will work out when actually all this while im the one who’s been giving in.
I keep thinking why do things always have to happen differently. I mean as in not my way.
I dun understand. When I cherish and love this someone so much , he dun seem to cherish me as much. Sometimes I even feel not appreciated and stupid.
Another is when Ive found the rite person and I knew tat things wud be perfectly fine with him, some person had to stop us. She had to separate us. Wat the hell.
But wat ever it is, I truly learn tat sometimes its no use for us to be too extra super nice too people coz we’ll loose in the end. We’ll end up corrupted. We’ll end up feeling pathetic and like giving up.
Maybe being alone id much better. I should try tat maybe. No one wud think of me and I wudnt think of anybody too. Maybe I can be happier like tat.
Watever la. I dunnoe wat else to do now. I feel so happy this few days but at the same time pure sadness and disappointment.
That’s why I always think tat some happiness are better than none.
Hopefully things will turn out fine soon. Pray for me ppl.

thanx to u lovely ppl

2005-02-05T01:01:00.000+08:00

this post is for my dear friends who care for me so much...
hudha..
i love u so much..w/o u i dont know at what state i'll be now. Ure always around when i need you. U listen and willl always try to make me feel better when im down. I need you so much. i and i know u'll always be there.
cindy and magmag..
im nothing without u ppl. u pulled me thru my sch werk and assignments. u ppl make me smile. make me laugh. u make me forget all me sorrows. especially when we're in school. i dunnoe wat i'll be w/o u guys.
above all, i need u beautiful ppl in my life. without all of you, i dun even think i'll even still be alive. u ppl are my pillar of strength.
cherish all of u so much. love to all.

new saying

2005-02-04T16:42:00.000+08:00

i forgot to say sumthin.
yesterday i had a chat with someone beautiful. someone who has been thinking so much about me, and i dont even noe. i tot i was way past his life.
life can be so unfair sumtimes. he thought my bf is so lucky to have me.
sometimes its funny when i feel appreciated more by others rather than my boyfriend. its not funny actually. its pure disappointment.
but above all that, i learnt a phrase from him yesteday.
'if u cant get wat u love, u love what you have..'
thanx to you if ure reading this. and i noe u will somehow.

im thru with it love

2005-02-04T15:42:00.000+08:00

things are gettin worst this few days. assignments and shit. I feel that im so lagged behind. i feel so stoopid and sometimes even useless.
i dunnoe why. i just feel that one of these days im gonna fall. i feel like giving up. my life is in total shit. ppl dun see me cry. i smile all the time and they tink im happy. they think im enjoying life.
i dunnoe wats wrong with me. i feel so lonely nowdays. may it be frens or relationship.
i feel tat i have no one now.
he's starting to be like last time again. he kept saying he's tired. tired and tired. im gettin so sick of it. its not like as if i dun understand but he's taking advantage of it. i just can feel tat he has no more feelings for me anymore.
im not some doll get it. and y am i even so stoopid to still hang on? because im still so dumb to keep thinking that we can make it thru. but u know wat?i give up. i farking give up. we will never make it thru coz u were never mine. im so tired of crying. i feel so ashamed of myself. i feel so unwanted.
SO FARKING TIRED OF OUR PATHETIC RELATIONSHIP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
'..sometimes its sad to noe that this relationship is going nowhere swtheart...'

beautiful song

2005-01-18T17:30:00.000+08:00

dedicatin this lovely piece to my sweethrt for making me feel beautiful everyday,
and most importantly my baby boo for introducing me to this song. i noe u love it too and i love you. tis is for u beb :)

Cater 2 U

Baby I See You Working Hard

I Want To Let You Know I'm Proud,

Let You Know That I Admire What You Do

Don't Know If I Need To Reassure You,

My Life Would Be Purposeless Without You

If I Want It

When I Ask You )

You Inspire Me To Be Better

You Challenge Me For The Better

Sit Back And Let Me Pour Out My Love Letter

Let Me Help YouTake Off Your Shoes

Untie You Shoestrings Take Off Your Cufflinks

What You Want To Eat Boo?

Let Me Feed You

Let Me Run Your Bathwater

Whatever You Desire, I'll Supply Ya

Sing You A Song

Turn My Game On

I'll Brush Your Hair

Help Put Your Do Rag On

Want A Foot Rub?

You Want A Manicure?

Baby I'm Yours

I Want To Cater To You Boy

Let Me Cater To You

Cause Baby This Is Your Day

Do Anything For My Man

Baby You Blow Me Away

I Got Your Slippers, Your Dinner, Your Dessert, And So Much More

Anything You Want Just Let Me Cater To You

Inspire Me From The Heart,

Can't Nothing Tear Us Apart

You're All That I Want In A Man;

I Put My Life In Your Hands

I Got Your Slippers, Your Dinner, Your Dessert, And So Much More

Anything You Want, I Want To Cater To You

--------------------------------------------------

destiny's child

stoopid dayss

2005-01-17T22:59:00.000+08:00

Lalala~~
Have been bloggin for few days already. So alot many much school werk. I looked so stooped the other day. Cried while thinking of more words to put into my EBF report when im already at my 9th page. And the most stoopidest thing is tat we’r only suppose to write like 4 pages. Super stoopid.
Haa~ Forget bt that..hope I’ll do quite well- maybe not bad.
Today. Had SA presentation and I had to wear something formal..okai..lets see..I wore a brown three quarter skirt with a tiny slit at the front, my mango blue lacey top and my pointy balck-silverish shoe. Sound formal? Haha.. ppl ard keep askin me. Is tis wat u call formal?! Kaka. dun care lor.
But..the presentation went well..ms tan said we all spoke well. yeah we’re happy with tat. Cheers to cindy and magmag.
This one guy from my team is like so weird. He looks so geekie and weird and funny and scary. No one is the class wish to work with him wen it comes to assignments. Haiz. So me cindy n magmag were acting nice and somehow ‘adopt’ him. Thinking tat nahh~~ he’ll be ok..dun worry. (some self consoling)
And u noe wat now?neva!!! I am NEVERR EVER BREVER gonna work wit him anyway. He is so weird around me. The other time we were doing our grp werk. And he was rite in front of me. And u now wat??? He private msg me thru ICQ n type 'hi barbie~'

OH MY GOODNESS.
TOLONG BANG BRAHEM.
CHU MINGG NGAA.
HELP HELP 911.

I was like wat the hell is he trying to do. Then went we wanted to went off.. me and cindy was the last one to pack our bag. Then he went 'sha keep ure laptop~' then I was like ok..i controlled myself. Then u now wat again!?he kept my laptop for me.
FARKK!
I felt so frustrated and ashamed and disgusted and of course scared. Magmag and cindy was around too bt giggling away. Thanx girlsss
Brahh~~ never im not goin to werk him him anymore neverrrrrrrrrrr….
Fulstop.
Okay next event please. Hmm ok wat else today..at 4 I had EBF test. Damn. I scribbled all the way. But I warned the teacher bt my curly handwriting.kaka.so watch out la ah.
The test was too lengthy..not enuf time..i don’t like
But nvm..wtf rite.
Haiz.im so stress with school nowadays..assigments and all…stoopid. Too much to be true.
Bt im trying my best la..gd luck sha.
Hah.self console again.
Aite im off now.later~

stoopid-lyk-anything day

2005-01-12T01:13:00.000+08:00

lots of bad stuff happened today.i mean during nite.
just now i met my sweethrt..i nd to go town..change my sis's shoe to another size...her feets are growin faster than mine!!sheesh
tats not the bad stuff of course.we went window shoppin for awhile quite fun...:)
then after that..he thought of going back to his place to take one of his drums to send it to the bbcc.. so i was like ok..at least i get to spend time with him somehow huh.
then until this 'brother' called him..asked him to met up with him.then we were like damn it rite.coz we noe..once we meet him..we will be sitting there for like some time.a long time actually. he said he needed to discuss some stuffs with my bf about some upcoming shows n projects.fark.tat really spoilt my mood.even abang's.its obvious tat i dun enjoy plainly sitting and doing nothing beneficial like listening to them discussing in like hours.stoopid. its like a so last minute thing. but its not like i hate the 'brother' la..its just tat sometimes ppl r just so unreasonable.nvm.
we didnt end up meeting him anyway.after tat i accompanied him to his place. something bad really happened.he was so bloody mad.banged the door gate.shouted and shouted.he wasnt mad with me of course. someone else.some personal matters.
damn.and of course..tat spoilt our whole damn day.
arghhh.
but nvm..i really hpe things will turn out better for him..realy pity him so much..especially his lil bro..i cant help but cry too...cherish his family as much as mine..
haiz.....tmrw will be a better day ya..
i'll never stop prayin for u sweets.
smiles.

back and up hey ~

2005-01-11T16:26:00.000+08:00

wooooohuu~
im back people.
for those who missed my silly updates..apologies.heh
been quite bz nowdays..especially school.strugglin like hell to catch up.
lucky enough to have my magmag n cindy to guide me and give me silly wake up calls.
as for me n abang.things are gettin much better now.i can feel tat he loves me now.but not everytime actually.not yet.maybe even never.but its ok.im happy with how things are now. thx God.
i bought a new Pink Shoe yesterday.haha...sooo not my colour..but i love the shoe anyway.haha.
aite.i'll stop for now.later~
i lurve my new skin anyway.
blah!

hey ppl

2004-10-30T01:14:00.000+08:00

nothin much to say....just wanna say...im not gonna update as often for the upcoming days or weeks maybe...having some stuffs troubling me now...so im in no mood to type much..so sorry ya. u can still tag me if u wanna.take care ya.
be back.
outz

dayonggg dayongg

2004-10-25T01:45:00.000+08:00

aluu....hmm..first of all..i wanna say..im feelin much better now..things are better...
but im not saying im too certain that things are perfectily normal now...no....im still unsure...but nvm...some happiness are better then none rite....so im just livin with it as for now...hope things will turn out the way ive always wished for.
hmm...just now i went to watch a show at UCC...Soundwaves by PACt. nice one....although itd mostly orchestra n all..but music....my baby had a solo performaance..keke was so proud of him..hepi for him too....he looked so good on stage..heee
yuhuuu MAN U wonnn~~~ 2-nil eii
kakakkaa...boo arsenall....kakaa...got to go tuck my lil bro to bed now......
outs

.lets start a new,and keep old promises

baby please stay

2004-10-23T02:07:00.000+08:00

haf nuthin much to say now.feelin down....so down...cant believe im goin thru all this...ive always wanted things to be so wonderful....

Stay- Destiny's Child

Baby, I want for nothing

Just your tender sweet loving

I know you got your things to do

But tell me what means more to you

hanging out with me or with your boys

Sometimes I do get lonely

But no you and no one to hold me

You want so much to lay me down

Is that what keeps you hanging 'round?

Is that the only way to win your heart?

But if I loved you a little bit longer

If our love was a little bit stronger

Would you stay stay

Baby please stay

If I granted all of your wishes

Gave you more than touches and kisses

Would you stay stay

I need you to stay

I'll be be yours forever

But can we keep us together?

I know the time is drawing near

I promised you, has it been a year

Baby now I'm ready

Will you stay stay

Every night I lay and think about it

If you loved me you could live without it

But I don't want to do you that way no no

I don't know exactly what I'm feeling

I'm kinda scared but then I'm kinda willing

Will you promise me just one thing

No matter what you're gonna stay

Please stay.

trimmed my rambot~~arrhh!

2004-10-17T01:12:00.000+08:00

kaka.cutteddd my curly hair just now.ehe..not cut short la...just go for some layering... cannot handle my bushy hair anymore...kaka..opps. but still love it la.precious curlsssy. how dare u magmag...she said i have some pubic hair on me head.SIALLL~~~u watch out scrawny. kakaa.
well..firstly..had my DB paper just now. frankly it was better than yesterday's OOP.was hell. kaka. today was quite ok...manage to scribble quite alot... got air con somemore lah..so..a bit relaxed. thats one gd thing to start off my day..
well....abg havent call me yet...maybe he wont call....but he did sms me...just glad he had reached there safely.. but i still miss his voice anyway.. :( nvm..
then..after the paper...went to town with momma,sis n lil bro.yuhuu went shopping...keke. hmm..my sister's gettin richer nowadays..kaka.. lucky me~hahaha....she gonna buy my a a pair of levi's nxt wk maybe..wuuhuu..i laikk...kaka... some times i just love her so much. huahua
didnt buy much todayla..just some small small stuff.....first thing...trimmed my hair at QB house....not much visible change...but i just feel tat my hair is lighter.kaka...hmm..ok...then she bought me Loreal hair lotion...my Za foundation refill...somee eyelash curler...ermm...lip gloss....and some other i-need-it-but-wait-till-got-money stuffss..kakaka
then went to my aunt's for my big cuzin bday!! break fast together also..had much fun as expected.....some laughs n crappy jokes...kaka..i just love my big family.. especially my baby lil cuzin..adam...just adore him soo muchh..just so lovable.keke...
ok la..gtg go now...had quite a nice day today..pleasently nice...just missing him as for now..but nvm...he'll be back tmrw ya...hear from u soon by...;)
as for now....toodless nooodless poodlesss

not good

2004-10-14T13:29:00.000+08:00

not feelin too good now.
tmrw is my farkin OOP exam ppr.nothin much had gone in my head.tried to study but nothin seem to go in.
just got back.went to cindy's yesterday to print some documents. thx sweetie. sleptover at aizat's after that coz he's only a few levels down cindy's house. thx cik eton for ure hospitality.
before that help abg do his school document. not in gd terms.i dunt know whether am i over reacting to the matter. maybe im just jealous.but wat if he were to be in my shoes??wont he feel the same way too? fark it la. but he just dun seem to care although i know he's not feeling well. but i just feel that he dun care. the way he talks. selfish is not the werd. i haf no idea. but really i am frustrated. shouted and shouted at each other. i feel so stupid. so angry. full off hatred. so fed up and sick of crying. wat the fark is goin on with me? somebody pls hell tell me. he's leaving fr kl tmrw. fark lah.watever happens i dun care. exams are all i haf to care for now.
nd to do some revision now. although i noe nothing will go into tis stupid head. watever it is,i'll just do my best.
not in the mood to type further. just haf to calm myself down cos tmrws the start of fasting month. full of blessing.
happy fasting ppl.
out

.i am just so blerdy hopeless.

blerdyy full stomach

2004-10-10T22:28:00.000+08:00

yabadababooo~ kaka.wuhuu.damn full now man.been eating like a pig this few days.espacially yester day and today.
ok...lets start with yesterday. went to sentosa...SDC chalet... ard pahlawan beach. my elder cuzin's birthday.went with my lil bro only...mom n pop had to werk first... so yeah..went there ard 2... the chalet is like very the ulu-ulu...very the inside.akaka.first impression,quite eerie.kaka.like the chalet has some cracked walls...and its very big.coz when we reached..there were only like 4 of us..and no adults..so like seram abitla...kaka. but nvm...then we put our stufss and headed to the beach..keke walk walk la... relaxin..hmmm...
then one my the makcik maik family came..so quite noisy already la...not eerie anymore..
keke..
so then we decided to go swimm first while waiting for another family who will be bringing allllll the fooddy goodyy~kaka. and know wat?they came at the very right time..after we were done with the swimming.kaka yyeahu..
We all head back..and ate-all-we-can-until-stomach-look-soo-roundy~ kakaka. but tats not the best part yet.Laterr ard the evening...we had a bbq. wuhu.i tell u.....its been so so long since i last ate tat much bbq food.prawnss....chickenn...sting rays...crabss.....hotdogs....sotongs...~~huisss...halamak~power lah dei.
kaka...no need to say la...of course i ate so damn alotttt...kaka..like cannot stop eating.once u pooppp u cant stopp~kuakua. pig lah u sha.
hehe...the bday gal cuttedddd the cake..keke...some present giving..keke...then ate again..kaka.
slept over at the chalet...was comfortable...had a nice nap somehow.keke.. managed to rest only till ard 9 am when some crazy ppl tickled my feet and shoutedd "oittt!!wake up laaa....swimmm!!!!" shityy.
kaka...woke up anyway..went for a swim....keke...very nicee....i laikkk..and after the swim.i ate again. hais...pigging all the way.kaka..then after that was so shagged already...had a few short naps... in the car on my way back....already thinkin of my bed n bolster.kaka...
halamak..then my mum called..keke..said she wanted to go causeway point...tot i was too tired to come along..sekali she mentioned Swensen's~~kaka...alamak..cannot resisttt...so i wentt.kaka..
ATE AGAIN!!!ate black pepper seafoos pasta.wuhuu.was realyy poweerrr~so damn full...
and lastly.i just ate some rice just now at hm.kaka.....silly me.ate so damn much.kakaka
soo noww....im just so tired n sleeppyyyy.......nd to rest now~~~
snoreee~~

so let it shine....

2004-10-04T01:08:00.000+08:00

yuuhuu! firstly...i want to say SORRYLAH BRADERS EN SISTEERS!!log taim never blog eh?kkaa.lazy la.....huhu
ok...today had a nice day......first went to see mega perdana 04....for those for dun haf any idea wat the heck is tat...~~just stop reading. kakakaa..joking ahh~ hmm ok..its a dikir barat competion..where youngsters...mostly guys..perform as a group la...like one group will have two frontmen....ard 16 'awokk-awok' (who shout and sing and clap and do some crazy hand moves)and 4 instrument playerzz.keke. mega perdana is like the bigeest competition among all the others. getting into the finals is already like a big big thing.my baby's team,keris...manage to go thru the finals...keke..really hepi n proud of them.keke...
well..the whole thing just now was ok....keris performed very well...
sayed's voice...as usual...achieved to make me melt...kakaa.(just hope he's not readin this.kembang beb~~)akaka...he manage to get 'juara harapann!!!'kekkee...tat mean 'some potential singer'.keke...powerlah lu beb!!sayang ko many muchh!!kaka..
as for my baby....his percussion team mane to get the top three placing...YEAA~~~ he's so so heppy n contented....well im so hepi for u too sweetheart....URE THERE MAN!kaka...love u by...
They didnt get the overall top three placing anyway...but nvm..gettin into the finals is already a so great achievement for them....so happy for them...im very sure they'll make it to the very top one day..just takin things step bt step huh...keke...love u all many many much alsooooo~~
kekkee...doin nutin now....just feelin relaxed...anyway..just now i wore the nice long blouse abg bought for meee.....~~hehehe.....nicee i laik....i look very decent...kekeke....thx again by..
ok..i gtg now lah....lazy want to type n typeee...keke
oraityy....chaoaaa~~

'Semangat keris wijaya
empu dah bilang'

fairyy talee

2004-09-28T11:01:00.000+08:00

keke...hie hie peeps.soory..havent been bloggin the past days. quite alot of stuffs goin on ard.but the good thing is..ive been quite happy and bubbly.very indeed.tehee.firstly, things between me n mr precious r goin on well. meetin him quite often nowadays...havin more time to spend and share wit each other.went bowling the other day at ard 11 pm..after i had the 'de dolce luna' performance in school n him after havin a rehearsal at NUS.kaka.actually i didnt expect him bring me go bowl..but it was great great fun.cos i won him at both games.kakaa. silly him....keke...that was a saturday anyway....and sunday...watched a show at NUS...'Kontemplasi'. he was involved.as usual...playin some percussions.keke.went with me momma..sis n lil brother.was not bad...nice..but really wonderful music n sound effects.creates great impact on audience.keke.so after the show..i insisted to wait for him..although my mom dun really allow.kaka./ignore her somehow...but she let me somehow lah...keke...lov u momma.and so...yesterday....met him again.keke.after school...went to accompany him go visit like ard 4 music instrument shops.adoi...tired lah...our bags were likesoo heavy.kakaka.nevermind lah..endure~~hehee.so fun.then he blanja me makannn~~kkeei dunnoe y.i just feel tat i haf him back again now after all the misunderstandings n stufss.feel lyk ive just loved him.keke...although its been like 2 years...keke...cherish u so much baby. ;)yuuhuuu~~ and after tat...at nait....met my gal...hudhaaa!keke..its been a looooong time since i last met her.we went to swensens.ate until we felt like puking.kakaka.too full.kakakaa...had fun.....mis her so much....now she has found some new love....very happy for her...love her so much.ok off now..need to go for my next class...toodles nooodlesss

relakssss

2004-09-25T01:02:00.000+08:00

ching ching ching~~~~ching ching ching~~ kaka...silly mag.sing along to songs.make them sound so silly...keke...as silly as her. kakaka....but nvm...watever it is....HAPPY BERDAY too herrr...~~~i mean...belated la.its already 12 10am.kaka. may she be as happy as she can be....and always be blessed with hapiness...wealth and health... lov ya magmag.
wait wait!! did i just say i lov ya beb!??cannot be lah.kakaka. nah...keke..really cherish u so much coz u make me smile so much...lov ya sweetie.
ok...today...i met my baby~~~ yeeii.kekeke..lov him so much...just now felt lyk skuuuueeezzing his cheeks.keekeke.lov him soo much. gave me nice nice blouse and a pweety watch from brunei...really love them..very nice..i laik...keke..thx baby...muacksy.
ok..feelin relaks now....alllll assignments done. hepi n spacey.keke. stress far far away now...yuhuuu!!!
soo...tmrw i haf a performance in school...de dolce luna....hmm...quite boringlah our item....coz will be dancing the same dance...gettin tired of it..kaka..but wat the heck..i'll be enjoyin myself stil..keke...
hmm....nothing much to say now....just waiting for my baby's call..he;s having his performance now ill ard 2 maybe....at one fullerton...gonna wait for him..hmm...
for the mean timee...im gonna wat 'windstruck' later..kkeke..i laikk...thx to nurr...for droppin by at 'jalan sayang' kaka...
off to chat now...
lala!!

scary scary

2004-09-22T01:22:00.000+08:00

shiver. just woke up frm my 5 hr nap.(til considered a nap or not?)keke. before that watched a korean story.the Uninvited.nur lend it to me today.woohoo.was damn scary n crude like he said.ppl suiciding.babies get crushed under lorry tyres.lil kids poisoned.and ppl fainting and fainting.but overall was a gd show.i mean the ppl acting were good.but...just now i was too tired to even get nightmares of it.keke. lucky me.unlucky u nur...keke.. he's been somehow traumatized by it...ekeke..although one of the main cast is his 'gerfrenn'. keke..silly sweets.
ok...today..in school..nuthin much. went for OOP....did practical.so sick of programmin shit.didnt meet my baby today....he was bz...pity him so much..he just got back frm brunei..and today he had so much stuff goin on. earlier today he had a minor accident...scratched a car i think..had to pay like 50 bucks to the guy...then just now his bike brokedwn at the center of some road. called me...he sounded so down.Sometimes i pity him so much..havin to handle so many things at one time...but i feel bad to..coz i cant help him make things better... :( hope he's ok now...waitin for his call...

'always have in mind...
all the good things n bad things happen for a reason..
but no matter how tough it'll be for u sweetie...
i'll be by u...for sure..'

aluuuuhaaa

2004-09-20T23:38:00.000+08:00

yuuhuu.my baby's back!!kekee...so hepi..bt he's not back home yet...stil waiting for kak ayu to pick them up and maybe drop him somewhere...hehe....just so hepii he's backk!!yeii~~ cant wait to hug him tight tight...hehee.mis him muchh many alot strong strong.keke
ok lah..today dunwant to blog much...keke..just hepi la...i'll continue nxt time aite...
hehe.smiles

smiling thru my jvc screen

2004-09-19T22:54:00.000+08:00

hehe.feelinn super great now.saw my baby on tv just now...keke..smiling n smiling.hehe...so proud n happy for him...and of course...cant wait to see him tomorrow...~~
sukmairama was not badlah ah....but quite 'obit'lah the stage set.....like so lama lama like tat...and the whole thing was like very the kejong...like not much interaction with the audience.....and the most horryfing thing is the back up singers!!!! oh gosh.one of the singers made the main singers sound so ugly.urgh~ wish i cud shout out 'stop singing u basket' to her. its like her voice is louder than the main singer and she's always off key.alamakkk....very the tidaklah...kekeke....but nvm...watever it is....i stl get too see my baby just now..yaeehii!!
keke..ok ok relaks...now i just have to wait for him till tmrw. have like ard 24 hrs more to go.keke....
ok sha..stop smiling to urself ok.. u look lyk silly shit.kekee. hmm..see......just now went to my aunt's.meet my dearrrrrrly-cute0feel-like-biting-his cheeks baby cousin.adam.keke...alamak tat lil guy..so adorable lah...cannot tahan...smart smart. then we all went to my another aunt's place...to see her newborn baby.andy danish danial.kekeke...soo cute....wah his hair..he's so tiny yet such thick hair...kekeke....haiz..i just llovveee babies and toddlerss...hehe.i'm neva getting tired of giggling dancing playin with them...hehe
aite....loggin off now....gotta go sleep soon..tmrw schoolin again....just remembered i will be havin a test tmrw...kekeke...
aite...outty.

"sayee sayang awak bye!!"

2004-09-19T01:17:00.000+08:00

kakaa. talked to my baby just now.but for like only 6 seconds.kekeke.i shouted like"Yayang i Luff u ok??!byee~~~"kekeek.just wanted to hear him. missin him still.keke.
feelinn like superrr tired plus sleepy now. had my walkthru paper just now.keke..dont really noe wat will my grades me likee.vatever it isss..may it be not F.keke...dun wanna go thru crazy programmin again..ever!!!
ok....let me explain y i'm feelin sleepy now. aight.yesterday i slept over at yani's...with ain n syu.....decided to stay over so i cud help them with the assignment..ekekeeke...talked soooo many much crapss...n i slept at 6am after finally realising tat ive blabbered enuf nonsenses.keke.had much fun with the gals anyway.
and as i've mention...i had a walkthru just now mornin...so i slept for only like 3 hours....n thennn after the paper....i went home to haf lunch...and then i headed to kallang for my dance rehearsal....then go for a performance at chinatown for the mooncake festival or watever...alamakkk~` tired lah very very.....then done with all tat...felt tat i feel like meetin some ppl....sooo..i called mr mat no...one of my primary school bestpals...keke..luckily they were 'lepaking' at taka.....so i came by to meet them....
there's mat no..flub n his new boo Aisha....abu...ketik...and some other ppl. reached there n got to know to they had had a few drinks just now.so they were all like pening pening..alamak....macam macam lah ah..ekee.... but nvm lah..as long as they're happy...hmmm...but just feel a lil sad seein them tis way...cos i love them alot....but then again....i dun haf any rites to interfere rite...so...nvm lah...hmm...but still i know they respect me as a closefren....especially mat no....kan tue?!keke...
aite aite...nd to stop now...fellin giddy....my whole day was approximately pleasent....also met two of my old long time no see frens on my way back...glad to see them again....
so ya..i go first lah ah..maybe turnin in soon....
outs.
.missin my baby.

wonderin how he's doin there

2004-09-17T01:52:00.000+08:00

haiz....feelin quite restless n sleepy.droppyy eyes.
abang stl havent called me....miss him terribly dearly manyly muchly.keke.but he msged me yesterday...told me he just done with his rehearsal...glad to at least get an idea of how he's doin there....but still wanna hear his voice.... :'(
but nvm...stillll....i managed to complete my OOP!!!~yeiii thx to mag n cindy n moon....helped me so much...three cheers to theseee shittyyss~ akkaa.thx gals..
hmm..ya other than tat..nothin much...feelin so sleepy now...tired...tmrw i got a presentation i think..kekee..wateverlah..just go school lah ah.....hmm
eyy anyway...i'm currently working on editin my current blog....so,...sori if there'll be not much updates coz im concentratin more on the new skin...yeehaa~~
aite aite
go noe...

"some peeple want diamond ringgsss...but i dontt~mind ruberr bandds~~"
-by silly magmag.

kuakua

nothin to do or say

2004-09-14T22:19:00.000+08:00

keke...nothin to say actually.just waitin for him to come online.dunnoe whether he'll come.nevermind..since he said he'll come..so i''ll just wait...
anitin for u precious.....
lov u

seven days

2004-09-14T18:17:00.000+08:00

1817 hrs now...bet he's at his hotel room now. checked the flight schedule....plane departed at 1405hrs. haiz..missin him already. just waitin for his call nw..just nd to know whether he had reached there safely.keke. ;)
still in school now. doin my bloody OOP. but done quite alot.thx to my frens.but feelin a bit pressured.dunnoe why...just feel stressed up..and a bit down.maybe i dun haf much time to complete my assignment.so...stress laaa.argghhraahhharhaahrahah!!
ok control.keke
hugged his jacket the whole day in school.keke.kept thinkin of him..how he's doing there so far...keke..just so proud of him..heheee...he's my "mr-the-best-percussionist-in-the-world-i-dont-care-wat-ppl-say-siallll"...kekekeke..lov u by...
hmm..just now i checked the Brunei Royal website...graaah!!!they dun have the flight schedules??!!grr...so much royalty.hehee...nvm lah...think he's there already...cant wait to hear his ayamicc voice...kek
EIIII~~~~YIIIHUUUU...kekkee he just msged me...ehehe.said he reached already....and has checked in the hotel...keke....i'll meet him in the net today.....and hope he'll read my blog...kekee...."sayang awak orang kentot.."keke "jangan lupe anta email eh pakcik..."kekee
sorry lah peeps..can't help it lahh....mushy abt lah ah...tis one week only...keke...can tolerate ah??can lah...kekee
ok lah..got to go do oop....at least his msg cheered me up...keke...thx by ;)
ok...out now...
cannt wait to hearr from him...yau!!

if i aint got u baby

2004-09-14T02:01:00.000+08:00

heyy yaa~~ keke.ok...in a gd mood now. as u can see my unky mood...im floatingg..~~~kekee haizz...spent like half my day with my baby.
actually was pissed off with him again for the past few days.if u had been readin my blog....u shud now y. but now we're cool...
he'll be leaving for brunei in like approx 10 hours.will miss him so so so much.went out just now.helped him pack his stuff.me n his mom help keep his stuffs in place.ironed all his shirts.folded them so neatly.just love him so much.kekek...he was so excited abt his new luggage bag.nice one..red color.keke...cheap buy man...30 bucks...:) hepi for him...keke...then..he bought me this nice pair of shoes....kekeke i laikk~~~~~brown color~~~kekee....new shoes again....kekeee....thx baby... ;)
i'm nt gonna cry as he's leaving...i'm just too hepi tat things are ok and clear between us now...hmm..im floating~~~ keke
hmm...doin nothin much now....just thinkin bt him...as usual lah..keke...but just now one of my dance fren came to my house...said he wanted to have someting to eat...haiz...i'm really worried bt him....he's having too much problem...and he keeps running away frm home..really pity his mom. everybody body seem to find him.he's always missing ans seem to keep telling lies.even to me.i just can feel it. i dun noe...i dunnoe when will be the right time for me to really talk to him abt wats really goin on. he's already like a brother to me now....me and ika have been so worried bt him.....haiz...hopefully he'll just realise and wake up from his world of abnormals. his just so different now. maybe its the ppl he has been hangin out with.bloody ppl.
grr.
ok nvm.i'm gonna stop bloggin now.need to talk to me baby on the phone now...gonna miss him..keke...stop it lah u shasha shitty.kekee
yauu~~~

down

2004-09-12T19:42:00.000+08:00

hey. still not feelin too gd now. but i'm not so sick now. feelin a bit better in terms of health. but stl feelin like farkin shit.
nt in gd terms with him again.he went out the whole night and morning yesterday.called me at 1. and not anymore after tat till 7 30 am. i woke up frm slp thrice. at 3 5 and 7.checked my phone. no missed call.not even a single msg. of course i understand that his batteries were down.but wat the fuck are public phones for rite. really hate all these. fark all.
really fed up.i dun like to worry.especially when i'm feeling sick.watever la. dun even have any intention to quarrel again but sometimes i just cant control myself. too ignorant sometimes.happenin again and again.haiz..he's leavin for brunei on tuesday soon.i will miss him so much.i just nd him so much sometimes.
stayed hm the whole of today. nowhere to go. dun even wish to go out. not doing much now. wanted to do OOP.but i dun even know wat the hell to type or do. so nvm lah.maybe i'll get help tmrw.
gtg now. not in much mood to type.
out.

full of germs in me

2004-09-12T01:13:00.000+08:00

not feelin good. been so sick lately. bad flu.vomiting.shitting.weak in my knees now. but feelin abit better than yesterday and just now afternun. maybe im food poisoned. dunno.
had quite a nice day just now.
first thing in the day.met my baby.miss him so so so so so triple so much.keke. i dunnoe lah.whenever we meet, just so hard to get away from each other. just missin each other too much. :( he's out now..goin out with his frens....just hope he'll haf fun...but not too much fun till me forget bt me.keke.
ok...then after i met him...i went to meet dear ain....went to walk walk..then talk to her abt problems n all..was nice...then we met the other MCC ppl....and at ard 7...we went to watch cinderella story!yeaa~~nice moviee...i like i like....very sweet...the prince..alamakk..hensemm siall..kekeke. very sweet....
but my flu was really bad...hmm..felt lyk crying also.....shit... hmm them i call my baby...and got to know he was at b.batok...so i drop by..to meet him...i just needed his hug so much.feelin so much better now....i know i need him so much. :) love u precious.
feelin quite sleepy now....maybe the drugs are starting to drowse me.keke...aite..i'll blog again hopefully soon...
sorry lah long time never blog..keke..too bz....:( k lah..chaos
chikok~

yippppediduuu

2004-09-05T22:45:00.000+08:00

huhu.....know wat...i just got to noe from my fren yani yesterday tat syu ronggeng n ain always visit my blogg for the sake of listening to my blog music...kong asam korang!!ehhe...nvm..but at least they visit my blog verryy very often..kaka.. for my music.keke..soo now...i'm gonna put the lyrics...so that they can sing along...and not blabbler anyhow..espacially ain!kakkaa..kentotts!!

If i aint got u baby
Some people live for the fortune
some people live for just for the fame
some people live for the power(yeah)
some people live just to play the game
some people think that the physical things define
what's within and i bet that before that life's adore are
full of the superficial

Some people want it all
but i don't want nothing all
if it ain't you baby ,
if i ain't got you baby
some people want diamond rings
some just want everything
but everything means nothing if i ain't got you

yeah
some people search for a fountain
promises are forever yours
sthat's the only way you prove
you love themhand me the world
on a silver platterthen what a what good it would be
no one to share
no one who truly cares for me

Some people want it all
but i don't want nothing all
if it ain't you baby, if i ain't got you baby
some people want diamons rings
some just want everything
but everything is nothing if i ain't got you(repeatx2)
yeah

if i ain't got you with me baby
ain't nothing in this whole
wide world don't mean a thing
if i ain't got you with me baby

-alicia keyz

haiz..

2004-09-04T01:50:00.000+08:00

ok now back home.feelin nothing today. i mean nothin interestin happened...school per normal...the only shit thing is tat assignments are all linin up. shit.
another problem is my young cousin. i mean i know his bz lah..but call me lah...its not as if i dun haf other stuff to do other than tutoring him. kept me waiting for his call.fark. haiz..watever la.
ok...just now i planned to go to my dance prac..already...and took 190 to town..and then take bus 14. skali in 190..met hairie....he also want to go PA....keke..when we reached dhoby ghaut....then i started to feel lyk soooo lazy. so i called ika....then know what~she was in town also...loitering ard with her sister n her fren.kaka...shit her...N level her head lah..kekeke...so i met them....walk walk at bugis...keke..
after that met aza...my fren's fren. met him to talk abt guy A...something fishin goin on..just feel i nd to talk to aza...so tat we can help guy A be a better person...haiz...so worried bt him...bet nobody here understands wat i'm talkin abt....nvrmind....just /ignore me...kakaka...watever it is..really hopin for my fren to change...
hmm...met him at macdonalds.....lot 1...then when we were talkin...tis adorable kid came and smile and smile.....then went ooff...and came again...came closer....then she ended up sitting with us..playing the sega game thing.keke....she's so quite...but i can see from her eyes tat she's not getting enuf attention and love that she needs..my fren said she knew her sister...and their family is like all messed up n all..hmm...just now when her grandma shouted for her to come back...the little kid was almost tearing....she looked so sad...haiz...how i wish i can bring her back....keke...her name...norhidati....keke..so sweet...hope to c her ard again..my new fren..tehee
ok now back her.shit.my cat is buggin me.here i am bz bloggin away and he kept insisting to lie on my arms.how the heck am i suppose tu typee~shit.
ok ok gtg now..gonna pull hisss whiskerss.keke

smileysss

2004-09-02T11:59:00.000+08:00

morninnn shitheadddss~kaka.
feelin much betta today. most importantly..my baby..we're ok now...had some shouting and screaming yesterday night.kaka.kidding. we talked things out...more likely i talked most of the time. i just love him too much lah...keke.mis u by.
ok second hepi thing.just got back my wm assignment...got a b!yeiii...after all the late nites...kakaka.thx to my curly beb for printing all of the damn-alot-pages.keke....lurve uu cindy ;)
ok....feelin hungry n giddy now.arghh!!cant wait to eat some fuuuuddd.keke..
ok wont type too much for now. later thennn~~
la ho lai yahhh~

pls tell me wats wrong...

2004-09-01T23:16:00.000+08:00

pls help me God. why am i feeling so weak. pls tell me is it him..or is it just me..?am i too sensitive or do i sob too much? browsed thru pictures we took b4 and stuffs that remind me of our good times. just miss him too much. been mad the pass few days. i dunnoe. was i wrong to get angry?was i wrong to cry..?should i just take things all lightly?i just feel so lonely nowadays.all feelings are kept in me. cry to myself. even talk to myself. wat pisses me off is tat he's always underestimating himself.i just dun understand why he rather choose to just stay same than just change to make things better. i'm slipping away..i really am. so help me God..pls help me understand wats really goin on between us.

'whenever i express abt al the problems goin thru between us..
it doesnt mean all the precious moments we've shared arent cherished anymore..'

dedication.

2004-09-01T13:57:00.000+08:00

God Was Your Closest Friend
by Randall Beers

I knew you were hurting although you wouldn’t cry,
And could see you were suffering,
see the pain in your eyeI wanted to comfort you,
to hold you, be with you that day,
You looked so helpless and frail while in bed you did lay.

I watched as you shivered from a new pain,
And wondered how I might have handled the same.
I wanted to scream, to shout, and to yell,
You said you were fine although your skin was so pale.

I knew in my heart your time was near end,
And wished I could take you, your body to mend.
I knew that soon God would be your closest friend,
You told me many times that’s how it would end.

I stood there watching as each breath came slow,
And fought to find courage, my emotions were low.
I promised you when the time came that I’d not cry,
You never saw my eyes wet, always they were dry.

I held your hand as I silently said goodbye,
And knew in my heart that soon you would die.
I stroked your forehead and said how I loved you,
You nodded and smiled and I knew that you knew.

I no longer care, my tears I can’t hide,
And as I stood there waiting for death by your side.
I knew then that God was your closest friend,
You had told me many times that’s how it would end.

azman bin rahmat.
(1984-2004)
this is for u also yed..smiles.

wats happenin to this world

2004-08-31T13:48:00.000+08:00

feel lyk shittin now. kaka.. now's my break time...i stl have lyk 2 hours more to chill n releks. aka...cool cool. got back two of my papers already. nf did ok..got a b...and oop!!??kakaka tot id fail lyk dwm the drain...skali i got a C...kakkaa..not bad ah sha...control demuree....and haf stailll~~
huahaa.ok ok.wat did i do last weekend...sunday went to WOMAd...really wonderful. actually i cant go in the thing with just the artist pass. was lucky i got off coz went there early.at like 5.was nervous.so may securities ard. and even one of the ppl kept reminding tat i haf to leave after my baby's groups done with their performance. kaka. then u know wat?i ended up leavin at 1130 pm!kakaa.dont care sial....keep hiding my hands cos i dun haf the tag thing.but was really cool...wooohooo..i lovee the reggae grp...erm..i think its daara dj or wat.ermm..whhhoooohooopiee..they were likee super smooth and cool.."yoa singapuuurr~ar yalll radii for sum funnn~~???"kakaka....but the'r performance was really nice....shaked sum booty with my baby...was really great...kekee fun fun n party party. but the only thing i dun favour is all the booze and all. really not my kinda thing.yea.forget bt it.
anyway...yesterrdayy went out with ma booboo n yantyy gemokk~kekee...ma galfrenss...missed them so much. we had soo much fun yesterday...pulling each others leg. especially me..keep bullying yanty..kakkakaa......i justtt lurveee beingg bad!kaka...we caught The Stepford Wives...(correct spelling?)..kekee cool cool...at first i didnt quite understand the whole thing..but it the whole movie is like a suprisee thingy...keke...good...i rate the movieeeee...4 n half fart out of 6!kekeke...then we went to esplanade...and posed for someee cameraaa shotsss~yauu i laikk~kekeke
ok ok..now...i gtg shit.its comin!huahaa
outts.

crazy idols

2004-08-26T21:15:00.000+08:00

kaka..just dun watchin singapore idol. not bad.i mean only two of them.the short hair girl and the eurasian lookin girl. the others were like crap. like so wanna-bes say.but to me the whole Singapore Idol thing really looks fake.lyk as in they really tryin too hard too imitate the americans.hah.watever.
relaxin now.feelin nothin. had NF paper just now.actually it was quite an easy one. most of the peeps were already done in like 15 minutes.kaka.but as usual..i'll be like that last few. slow poke.kaka. but overall ok lah.
aftertat went to al-ameen with ain syu n yani. cool..we had some jokes n all.was nice.
but wasnt feelin quite good today.i dunno wats really happening. i mean between me and my baby. its just so hard for me. i cant just keep wat ever i am feelin to myself.feelin too lonely sometimes.i mean i understand that he's bz and has his own stuff but he's slipping away now.. he's too bz entertaining other ppl... .everytime i'd call...he'd say i'll call u back nall....
i just wish he really understands.. i really dun mean to make him sad and i dun even want us to have quarrels. i just want him to be the one to be there when i'm in need,not any other person....
maybe its just me..

programmin done-ded!

2004-08-23T20:41:00.000+08:00

ey ey...back at home nw.HOME CONNECTION"S BACK EII~ cool cool. need not see the ronald macdonald guy anymore.kaka. ok...so relaxin now...just now had my OOP paper... sharks.i dun even noe wat i was writin. even the first MCQ question. kaka.so blur already.hahh....nvm..its over anyway. a Pass is great enuf. kakaa.
ok...so....my weekend....was nice n not nice at the same time.
Saturday. Got to go out with my baby. the WHOLEE day!at last man..hmm. was great fun. the earlier part of the day only. hmm ok.let me recall. firstt...!we went to haff lunch at beach road...i ate tomyam noodlee...n he...some black pepper chicken rais.. not bad..keke. theenn...we went to window shop at the top level..haizz....felt so dumb window shoppin w/o cash. grrr.tempting. its like we have cash. but we cant spend it cos we had lke only 30 bucks. so if we had spend it,we'd haf to go dry the whoole day.kaka.KOYAK MAN!!hmm.. saw loaddss of cool stuff. sneakerss! cool cool ones. high cuts...i laik~~~ok ok shut.no money dun talk ahh..
thennn...we went to sungai road...so many junks there....interesting. but some stuffs there are quite funny n weird. i mean like really very-the-terokk-looking stuff. really pure junk. kaka...buttt.....i bought a 1 dollarr cute straw bag...really nicee! i didnt expect it to be sooo cheap.kekee..coz its stl in good condition. and..abang bought this 3 dollar bigg retrooo grandnanny specss...kekeke...really cutee...i laikeee~ hahaha...then tat time while we were walkin....theres tis like two negro-s walkin towards our direction...kaka....then after we walked pass them....abang told me that they went like "eyy babe.....~~" while looking at me. WHAT THE~~???i mean didnt they see me with abang??crazy shits. haha...great fun anyway walkin n browsin through the old stufss.
ok ok...then we went to bussorah street...he wanted to get a brown basket.. but the baskets there were like so costllyy....grrr...baskett lah u all~terok ahh... kakaa so we ended up buyin no basket....but we just go visit some kewl kewl shop......there'r so many antique shops....but really kewl ones....like so colorful n nicely decorated shop.....uuuhh~~~ naicee.... then we went for nadia's pit....but b4 tat....we bought her a bouquet of nice flowers~~ hehe....didnt know wat else to get her. can lah ah..kaka ok lah the poit....relaxin....ate a bit....thennnn...i went to meet my sis..went to liquid room. sux really. the place was so small. n the music was crap. ended up goin to zouk. atmosphere was cool as usual.but that day too packed. damn crowded. drunk losers layin ard. yuck. but drop tat. didnt had fun. my sis ended up being frustrated. her boyfren,my boyfren.i dunnoe. watever it is. tat nite there really sucks. but stil we went in. when i was walkin to the dance floor,met my pri schmate,apit. thennn...i go find my fren acit...kekeke.. i saw him like TWICE!!n he cudnt see me??alamak lu...aperdahh...kaka...saw him with his kewl white shades n some coconut tree shirt.kekkee....crazy guy.bt i laik.kaka but then tat nite i was havin fun..troubled my baby too much... : ( ...i promised never to make him suffer so much for me again....sorry sweethrt.
OK THATS OVERR~ now my tests. wednesday's my ecid paper. betta go do some reading. ahaha.no more partyin gal.cut that.
outs.

aching.

2004-08-18T22:28:00.000+08:00

sittin alone now. dwnloading lecture slides n stuff. startin to really panic...bloddy tests are on their way. not feelin too good nowadays. tired n restless n sleepy. stl dun feel like studyin much. bt i'm startin my revision already. dunnoe how i'll do.
well. sorry for not been updatin my bloggy. net connection at ma home's down. cant do werk. cant go online. haiz.really hard for me.now i'm at lot 1's mac. have bn sitting for the past 3 hours.butt's gettin warm n aching.
talkin about aching. my hips dwn to my toes have been damn aching. shit. really irritating. cant move much. my mom is getting back pains also.worried bt her. maybe she's just tired.
been having some financial stuck up. though my papa is now werkin,we're stl sufferin. its hard for me to adapt to this kinda situations.bt i'm gettin use to it.i feel useless sometimes coz i cant really help my family much. feel lyk breakin dwn sometimes. life's so tough at times.
ok...my baby got his bike back.he's so happy.cant wait to see it also. should look cool with red n peach.uuu~~~i laik~~kekeke..lov u sweetie
aite..now gotta pack n head home.my batt's dyin. goin to sch tmrw. havin OOP revision. need to go.i'm really laggin like so much.
aite i'm out for now.
wooooosh

new pointy shoes

2004-08-09T00:45:00.000+08:00

scratch scratch. early mornin now. feelin very tired n restless. went to watch a show at victoria theatre. Some Sri Warisan stuff.got free tixs for it. so i just came to see my baby n his frens perform. not bad lah. but dun really haf much interest in tat kinda sing n act stuffs. but some part of it is good. as usual yed's voice made us audience felt like bein hooked to his voice. darn him. so lucky to get tat kinda throat.kaka. my baby was outstandin as usual. haf always been so proud of him when watchin him perform. he's the best percussionist in the world.i mean to me lah. haha. although we had some misunderstanding yesterday til now, i stll support him. watever. im still mad anyway. that farkin flirtish singer. fark fark.
heck that. got no much to say now. just got a new pair of pointy black shoes. i like i like....my baby bought it for me. haiz. and his birthday is cuming nearer n nearer. what am i goin na get him ei?shit. haiz...nvrmind...we'll see.
so HAPPY NATIONAL DAY SINGAPOOORRRR~~~ kakaa... tmrw time to perform for the parade. time to be patriotic.kaka. hpe things will turn out ok n smooth.
aite...i gtg go sleep now. feelin giddy already. tired tired. i'll blog again lata. as for now..
i' m outs.

.everytime i pray i'll be missin u.

stupid tomatos.

2004-08-04T23:04:00.000+08:00

alohai. keke. feelin quite relaxed now cos i had a nap just now....*strettchhhhh* at last some rest. just had my late dinner just now. had yesterday's reheated spaggetti n some fried Ayamass..yummy. burp.
ok today. was quite nice. had some great laughs n giggles n chuckles. during lessons.kakaa. i like this semester. i mean as in my surrounding of frens. now i can get along so well with my girls in class. mag.cindy.moon. of coz kerry..she has always been my closefren. they're makin me enjoy school. nice ppl. all precious ppl. ECID lesson was great just now.haha. i and mag took pictures during the lesson.kaka kewl. shanghao yang kind enuf to lend us his hp. nice of him to tolerate all our nonsense n craps. kaka,
ended lessons at five. met me new crazy fren at e sch's busstop. Acitz. kaka. he's so cool. i mean its been a long since i last meet or know someone who's as crazy as me. maybe his even crazier.kakaa. but he seems shy. maybe he's acting cool ah?kaka rite acitz?haha.. glad i get to know him somehow.he'd make such a great crazy pal. my member bedak cobra.kaka. freeet. (*sound of an old camel farting*) haha.
damn stupid tomatoes. u know yesterday uh. i was really so so tired. i dunnnoe y. maybe becoz my bag n lappy was such a burden. farkin heavy. then yesterday somemore i had to go buy some stuff for momma. spaggeti n tomatoes. went to bukit panjang plaza's ntuc. took time to choose the tomatoes n stuff. haha. yesterday i was so sloppy-liked man. imagine me with my sling bag,a laptop bag and and ntuc plastic bag.with my skirt n my slippery shoeesss. arghhh!
ok.then i took 190.the bus was so damn packed n i had to stand. luckily my busstop was near.
then when i reached my busstop..i was like ahhh~~ relieved. then i walk lah..crossed the road to my block. sekali...PROOOPREKK~ i FELL!!??farkk..out of all times.now??damn. at the road side near the busstop somemore.malu mann. kaka.then u now wat?the first thing i did after i fell,i checked the stooopid tomatoes. squashed or not. i also haf no idea y.kaka..stoopid me. luckily i'm not bruised. haha. silly silly silly. all becos off the slippery shoes lah~~ basket.
so heck that.kaka.my sister's away now. went off to japan just now. her first filght as an air crew.hope she'll do good..kaka. and also do some shopping for me there!kakuakua
hais..aite aite. upcomings days will stl be hectic for me. tmrw i'll be havin a dance prac again for saturday's show.grrr. then friday after school i'm helpin my booboo model for her project..theeenn after that go do tutoring. and saturdayyy. i haf a performance. n sundayy i dunnoe yet.then MONDAYYY...ndp performance..!grrr.lets hope i wont step over my costume skirt n tripp n fall uglyly. huaha.dunnoe when da hell i'm meetin my baby. miss him till i drop. and one more thingg.his birthday is Cumminnng~~ panikk timee! dunoe wat to get him laa..shit..
nvm sha...cooll...kaka..aite out now. back letaa~

.noe ure stl livin ure life after death.

twirl-my-hair day.

2004-08-03T12:52:00.000+08:00

early afternun bloggy. so farkin hungaryy... nvm..must haf controoll~~demuree~~and haf styleee~~ kaka rite mag ;) keke. eatin soon. waitin for my other chinese-speaking-yindian. haha. today..per normal..was late again. really really tired nowadays..dance n school. i'm barely at home nowadays. always back home late at nite.so wild now ah sha. kakaka.
today. nothin much. just sleepy n boring. feelin quite worried also. havin tests soon n i dont understand one shit on OOP. also netwerkin. damn....i dont know how da hell am i gonna cope. watever it is..i know i can do it. haha yea. i'll try.
watchin movie later with alim n ika n abg ain. yea~ some relaxin at last. abang ain's gonna treat us movie. so i'll just goo!kaka. enjoy.
my sunshine's is in school now. havin some choir lessons maybe. huaha..lalaa~ just glad he enjoy his lessons. music music. just hope he loves me as much as he adores music.kakaa. cant wait to spend time with himm. maybe go some bowling n stuff.yei! precious him.
noww....havin my packed lunch. rice n chicken n bagedel n fish cake. kkeke.. jempot makan...;)
back later peeps~

.gif anythin to hear half ure breath.

netwerkin shit.

2004-08-02T14:27:00.000+08:00

in class now. scribbles on whiteboard...hubs n frames n error detection n blah blah. boring boring. today..so far nuthin much. the only thing is tat today is so freezing cold. maybe its the weather plus the damn air con. wearin one cardigan n another jacket over it...kaka. been so tired n shagged. last weekend was nice. saturday, had the ndp preview thingy. was great with firewerks n all..great fun. then after that..went to meet me bf...yippy~keke met him at lau pa sat to haf supper. by that time it was already ard eleven. ate some fish noodle.yummy nice stuff. then we went to sentosa by abg kamal's n kak ayu's van. time for REGGAE!! yei. nice...but it wasnt as packed as i expected it to be. not much ppl. most of them r barely dressed. kaka. bikinis n short skirts n bermudas. too bad i didnt see anyone with coconuts shells n some leaves. haa. stayed there till ard three though i didnt wanna leave..only started to get the groove n we had to leave.hmm nvm. as long as i'm with my baby..keke. then had a drink somewhere i dunnoe..kak ayu took us there... my eyes were droppin already..kaka...sleepyy.. then like ard 4 plus we went offf..and after tat i was soundly under my bedsheets n sniffing my bolster away. kaka. dozed off.

sunday..went to see abg n gang at their competition.

was so different without azman. i cant help but cry. but i'm so proud of them. theyre so strong. they stl performed very superbly well. but not for the audience nor the judges, but for their azman. they sang a dedication for him coz they somehow feel he's ard watchin them proudly. his family was ther,frens too. we all cried together with them as we whispered soft prayers for dear azman. still misssin his presence.

.congrats to them for qualifyin to the finals.

cheerz to keris.

memories of ure presence

2004-07-30T15:35:00.000+08:00

Days havent be as beautiful. sorrows haf been consistently buggin me. school havent been fun. my dear grandpa is gettin more sick. he cant take in any food. his stomach cant handle any and he looks so malnourished. really hope he'll be fine soon. my dear bf. just met with a accident. scars n bruises all over. i really pity him..he's havin too much in his mind now.lost his fren, events ...practices n all. haf to cope with all these cramp pressure.sometimes he's so fragile like a new-born. soft hearted..he's such a baby..i know he needs me.
feelin sunken.recently lost a fren. my bf's closefren actually. but despite tat i stl had gd ties with him. he was so fun. so fun without realisin tat everyone somehow was individually attached to him. its so different without him ard now. his smiles and crazy jokes. i just love seein him smile. simply sweet. i still cant take the fact that he had left us. somehow i stil cant believe tat his gone. never lost a fren tis way before. so hard. but at least i get to see him before he went away....its so painful to see him suffer. its just so unpleasently weird. sometimes i wonder..why him?i mean there so many other ppl out there. he's just too young. fate.i cant change tat..no one can. i really miss his presence. maybe i was shy to show how much i cherish him when he was still ard. but now i really feel his absence.really miss his bubbly self. the way he irritates me. wud giv up anything to see him smile once more.its just too spacious witout him now.
.come one day we'll see u again with the same ol beautiful smile.

.prayers for u i'll neva leave
Azman Bin Rahmat